Kangaroo Jack

kjack

January 17, 2003
Comedy/Adventure
PG
United States
Director: David McNally

“You better run, you better take cover.”

This story starts out in Brooklyn, New York when Charlie Carbone (Robert Reid) and Louis Booker (Shawn H. Smith) were only ten years old. In the movie, Charlie states that three major things happened that day on the beach. First, his mother, Anna (Dyan Cannon) met Salvatore “Sal” Maggio (Christopher Walken), who is a mob boss and would later become Charlie’s step-father. Second was that Charlie and Louis met for the first time. Finally, Frankie Lombardo (Brian Casey) threw a football into the ocean. Charlie went to get it, ignoring the fact that he couldn’t swim. Louis noticed Charlie was drowning and saved him, and that’s where the friendship started.

Twenty years later, Charlie (Jerry O’Connell) is a hair dresser and Louis (Anthony Anderson) is a guy who’s always looking to make a quick buck. He talks Charlie into helping him move some TV’s. And by “talks into”, I mean Louis guilt-trips him by bringing up the day he saved Charlie’s life – as he did whenever he wanted Charlie to help him with something that Charlie didn’t want to do.

Little do either of them know that the truck they’re moving the TV’s in is stolen, and this leads to a large police chase where the end result is Louis and Charlie unknowingly leading the cops to one of Sal’s warehouses where $4.5 million worth of goods are hidden. As one might imagine, this upsets Sal, but he gives the friends a job to redeem themselves. He calls in Frankie (Michael Shannon), who tells Louis and Charlie that they have to go to Australia and deliver a package to Mr. Smith (Marton Csokas). They agree, feeling rather lucky that Sal didn’t kill them, and head for the glorious Outback.

Everything is going well until, while driving their rented Jeep, Charlie hits a kangaroo. Thinking the kangaroo (who is affectionately dubbed Jackie Legs) is dead, Louis decides to put sunglasses and his lucky jacket on it so they can take pictures. While this is happening, the kangaroo wakes up and takes off.

Charlie, who is relieved he doesn’t have to see the red jacket anymore (because, honestly, he felt the jacket was the worst good luck charm ever), can’t stop laughing. Meanwhile, Louis begins crying and explains to Charlie that the jacket has Mr. Smith’s package in it; a package that holds $50,000. Panicked, they chase after the kangaroo, but crash the Jeep and have to figure out a new way to get the money back.

And that’s pretty much how the rest of the movie goes. Louis and Charlie spend their time trying to chase down Jackie Legs (Adam Garcia) and their adventure is filled with the craziest plot-twists. Like hiring a pilot named Blue (Bill Hunter) and causing him to crash his plane, and seeking help from Jessie (Estella Warren) who knows the wildlife of Australia like the back of her hand. Jessie refuses at first, but then Charlie offers her $2,000 to help with her mission of repopulating the Outback with bilbies and she agrees.

Sal gets a call from Mr. Smith, informing him that Louis and Charlie never showed up with the money, so Sal sends Frankie to Australia to fix the situation. Frankie hires the guide Mr. Jimmy (David Ngoombujarra) to help him, and when Frankie finds out where Charlie and Louis are going to be, he gets rid of Jimmy and goes after the two himself.

Mr. Smith and his goons are ready to kill Charlie, Louis, and Jessie when Frankie shows up. He informs Mr. Smith (complete with a smack in the face from the butt of a rifle) that the contract he had with Sal is terminated and sets off to kill Charlie and Louis, telling them that Sal was very disappointed that they lost the money.

They spot Jackie and ride after him on their camels with Frankie hot on their heels in his Jeep. Frankie flips over the Jeep and Louis manages to catch up to Jackie enough to snatch the package out of the pocket, but doesn’t see the cliff that’s right in front of him. The camel comes to an abrupt stop, sending Louis over it’s head and down the cliff, where he’s holding onto a tree root. Charlie is able to latch some belts to his arm and pulls Charlie back up.

Frankie catches up to them and reveals that Sal wasn’t disappointed that the money was lost; Sal was disappointed because Charlie and Louis weren’t dead. Sal had sent them to Australia to pay Mr. Smith for their own execution. Frankie is just about to finish the job when Mr. Jimmy, who is actually a cop, shows up in a helicopter. Frankie and Mr. Smith are both taken into custody and Jimmy tells Charlie that Mr. Smith was a notorious hitman, who he heard was familiar with the Maggio crime family, and when Frankie hired a guide, Jimmy was there waiting for him.

It all is going well until Charlie finds Louis standing at the edge of the cliff. Louis is convinced that Charlie won’t want him around anymore, saying that, “guilt was the glue holding this friendship together,” and that they were even now that Charlie saved Louis’ life. Charlie pretty much tells Louis that the idea is absurd and they share an “intimate, non-gay moment”.

Jackie comes back and Charlie is able to get the jacket off of him and returns it to Louis, and it all ends happily with Sal going to prison, Charlie and Louis using the $50,000 to start their own hair care line called Lily Berry Shampoo, and Charlie marrying Jessie.

This movie has to be one of the corniest films I’ve ever seen, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t also one of my favorites. It’s so fun and filled with humor, and you really have to love everything that Christopher Walken does. There are a few things that I have to mention, like the pretty obvious (but surprisingly well-done) CGI of Jackie Legs, and the rather ridiculous fact that kangaroos can only travel up to 35 mph, yet no one can catch up to Jackie on a camel or in a Jeep. But those are minor details. It does have some adult tones, but it’s a pretty good family movie that I think everyone will enjoy.

If you have a movie you would like me to review, leave a comment or send an email to spoileralertblog@outlook.com with “movie review” in the subject line.

Sleepy Hollow

sleepyhollow2

November 17, 1999
Horror/Mystery
R
United States
Director: Tim Burton

“Besides, there is no encouragement for ghosts in most of our villages, for they have scarce had time to finish their first nap…”

Sleepy Hollow, New York, 1799

Constable Ichabod Crane (Johnny Depp) is a scientific man who longs to properly solve crimes and has a habit of disrespecting his superiors to get his point across. The burgomaster (Christopher Lee) gives Ichabod the opportunity to do so by leaving New York City to go to Sleepy Hollow so he might solve three murders – all decapitation.

Ichabod agrees to the task and arrives in Sleepy Hollow to meet Baltus Van Tassel (Michael Gambon), Reverend Steenwyck (Jeffrey Jones), Magistrate Phillipse (Richard Griffiths), and Notary Hardenbrook (Michael Gough). Each head of the town tells Ichabod about the legend of the Headless Horseman, which leaves Ichabod visibly afraid, though he ultimately scoffs at the idea.

Soon after Ichabod’s arrival, a man by the name of Jonathan Masbath (Mark Spalding) is killed via decapitation, leaving his son, known only as Young Masbath (Marc Pickering), an orphan. Young Masbath joins up with Ichabod to help solve the murders, of which Ichabod is convinced there is no vengeful spirit, but a living man.

That is, until he witnesses the death of Magistrate Phillipse. The shock of what he saw mixed with the disbelief that the Horseman actually exists sends him into a dead faint. He is aided by Baltus, his wife Lady Van Tassel (Miranda Richardson), the housemaid Sarah (Jessica Oyelowo), and Katrina Van Tassel (Christina Ricci). It’s Katrina that stays most by Ichabod’s side, as the two develop and romantic interest in each other.

Ichabod determines that there’s a conspiracy involving all the heads of the town, starting with the last will and testament of the first victim, Peter Van Garrett (Martin Landau). It is shown that he is incorrect in his assumption. There is a conspiracy, but it involves the Lady Van Tassel.

Mary Van Tassel was originally Mary Archer who lived in a cottage owned by Peter Van Garrett with her family. Her father died, and Peter evicted the family and sold the cottage to his kin, Baltus Van Tassel. As Mary’s mother was accused of witchcraft, no one in the town of Sleepy Hollow would take them in, so they were forced to live in the woods. Within a year, Mary’s mother died, leaving Mary and her sister to fend for themselves.

Mary witnessed the execution and burial of the Horseman out in the woods. Right then and there, she sold her soul to the devil in order to raise the Horseman to take revenge on the Van Garrett’s and Van Tassel’s. Her last target is Katrina, who is also a witch, but only practices in white magick.

Lady Van Tassel sends the Horseman after Katrina, but Ichabod and Young Masbath do what they can to protect her. As they’re running for their lives, they go to The Tree of the Dead, where the Horseman is buried – without his head. Lady Van Tassel had stolen it in order to control the Horseman. Ichabod steals it back, returns it to it’s rightful owner, and when the Horseman (Christopher Walken) is reunited with his head, he takes Lady Van Tassel and drags her back to hell with him.

The story ends with Ichabod returning to New York City with Katrina and Young Masbath to start life anew, and everyone (for the most part) lives happily ever after.

This is probably one of my favorite movies of all time. Johnny Depp portrays Ichcabod Crane wonderfully, even down to the cowardice, and as funny of a guy as Christopher Walken is, he plays the carnage-loving madman very well, even though he has no speaking lines. My biggest problem is with Katrina’s accent. I’m not sure if it was intentionally supposed to be a mix of American and English, or if Christina Ricci had difficulty maintaining the English accent. Nevertheless, the movie is still entertaining and has the dark atmosphere that Tim Burton fans know and love.

If you have a movie you would like me to review, leave a comment or send an email to spoileralertblog@outlook.com with “movie review” in the subject line.